How to stop the needy and clingy behavior before it ends your relationship
By Shoshana Jackson
Is your neediness causing problems in you relationship?
Needy and clingy behavior can ruin a relationship.
A healthy relationship has boundaries. Each partner should have a life of their own, their own friends and activities.
When you become needy and clingy you begin to violate your partner need for space. When you take away this space you cause resentment and anger in your relationship.
There are many reasons why women become needy and clingy. Whatever the reason is, in the end either you end up with a codependent relationship or no relationship at all.
A healthy relationship is based on trust and respect. You need to be able to trust that your man is the type of person who will be there for you and you need to respect his boundaries.
If you came into your relationship as a cool, confident woman, your man may wonder what happened. What’s difficult about answering that question is, what changed may not be something caused by your current relationship.
As you end a relationship and enter a new one, you bring any unresolved baggage with you. If there were trust issues in your past, you will still have those feelings, even if this partner gives you no reason to doubt him.
That’s why the secret to ending your needy and clingy behavior is to work on resolving the issues that are triggering this fear and doubt.
Here are some things you can do:
1. Start Loving Yourself Again
As your needy and clingy behavior starts, you will start feeling bad about yourself. Doubting yourself. You may wonder what your man sees in you, since you can no longer see the woman you were.
- What do I like about myself?
- What makes me special?
- What talents, skills or abilities do I have?
- What type of woman do I want to be?
- Have I ever been this woman? What changed?
- What things do I want to change about myself? Why?
Take a minute to look at who you want to be? Do you want to make those changes for yourself or because of what someone else is telling you. It’s hard to love yourself when you have people around you being critical of who you are right now.
Surround yourself with people who love you and want to help you rediscover love for yourself and eliminate the negative people from your life.
You need to have a healthy relationship with the important people in your life. In some cases this may mean ending some of your relationships.
2. Have a Life of Your Own
A relationship is two individuals coming together. That means you are still you, you should have your own life. If your life revolves around your man and your relationship that will over time, push him away.
- Do I arrange to spend time regularly with my friends and family?
- Have I given up activities and hobbies that I love because my man is not interested in them?
- Do I resent my man having friends?
- Does it upset me that he like to do things without me?
- Do I think a couple should spend all of their free time together?
In a healthy relationship there needs to be space. You need to spend time apart. This time is important because it allows you to develop on your own and helps in your growth as a couple.
When you try to force your man to give up his space because you want to be together, he’ll resent it and at times may feel manipulated by your actions. In the short term you may get him to spend time with you, but in the end you’ll lose him.
You’ll need to discover the joys of life apart from your partner. Having separate activities and interests will also give you something to talk about. This will also help reduce your needy and clingy behavior and make you a more interesting person to be around.
3. Learn How to Trust Him
Relationships are built on trust. If trust is lacking in your relationship, you’ll find that it’s hard to form the bond necessary for a strong relationship.
- Do I trust my man? Do I think he is honest? Do I think he lies to me?
- Have I been cheated on before?
- Am I worried that this will happen again with my new man?
- Do I find myself checking his phone or computer? Do I look through his pockets?
- Do I worry that he’ll be tempted by a woman he meets? Do I worry he’ll leave me?
- Has he cheated on his ex or me before and I worry it will happen again?
You can drive yourself insane, worrying about “what ifs.” That “what if” may never happen. You can’t worry about what might happen. If he has not given you a reason to doubt his honesty, you need to look at why you don’t trust him.
Is it something in your past? Is it a behavior he displays like flirting with other women? To save your relationship you’ll need to work with him on rebuilding trust in your relationship. If not, your relationship will surely end.
You cannot have a healthy relationship without trust. You will continue to have needy and clingy behavior if you stay in a relationship with someone you don’t trust. You need to resolve these trust issues for your relationship to survive.
4. Plan Your Time Together
Fear of the unknown can trigger needy and clingy behavior. If you don’t know what’s going on in your relationship, when you’ll see him next or when he’ll call, this can cause anxiety.
- Do I know when I’ll see him next?
- Would a regular date night make me feel more comfortable?
- Does he call me regularly?
- Would I feel less anxious if I knew we would talk at the same time each day?
- Would I be willing to respect his needs for space if I knew we would spend time together?
This is something that will reassure you. This is something you’ll need to work on with your man. He has to be willing to do this. If he’s not willing to make this time that you need a priority, then you need to decide if this is the relationship you need to be in.
This isn’t something you’ll need forever, just until you feel more secure in your relationship. In time you’ll notice that you’ll display less needy and clingy behavior. Working on trust issues will help build a healthy relationship.
5. If There’s A Reason For Your Behavior, Let Him Know
Sometimes you know why you have needy and clingy behavior. It might be because of your past. It may be because of his behavior. Whatever the reason is, you need to let him know.
- Does something that happened in my past trigger this behavior?
- Have I ever dealt with this issue?
- Is if something that he does that triggers this behavior?
- Have I ever discussed this with him?
- Is there something in my life that triggers this behavior?
- Am I dealing with this issue?
Communication is very important when dealing with needy and clingy behavior. You need to be able to discuss what you’re feeling with your partner. If he understand why this is happening it can help him to help you.
Think about why you have trust issues. Think about when you showed needy and clingy behavior in the past. If you only have this behavior in relationships ask yourself why.
If he is unwilling to discuss this with you or listen to your concerns, you need to decide if you want to stay in this relationship.
What should you do to stop your needy and clingy behavior?
Start by working on yourself. Your relationship can be saved if you and your partner are willing to work together. As you rediscover the confident woman you once were, you will be rebuilding your relationship.
Do you think needy and clingy behavior is ruining your relationship? Has trust issues ever caused the end of your relationship? Share your story.