Letting Go: Freeing Yourself from the Emotional Attachment to Your Ex
By Shoshana Jackson
Your relationship is over. Yet, you still can’t stop thinking about your ex. You wonder where he is, what he’s doing and most of all who he’s with. After you get over the initial shock of the break up, this is common. You hope that you can maintain the connection to your ex, but in order to heal and move on you need to let go. This disconnection process is problematic for most people who have been “left.
Even after you’ve grieved the loss of your relationship and know that it’s truly over, there may be a nagging little voice inside you wanting to get your ex back. The emotional attachment you have to your ex is what causes these feeling, as well as the pain and jealousy you feel. The attachment began when you fell in love, and it doesn’t just end because the relationship is over. Breaking this attachment is the only way to be truly free from your ex-boyfriend. Don’t expend any more energy trying to save the relationship.
Are you aware of how often you think about your ex? You may have persistent thoughts of when you were together. Remove as many of the things that are triggering these memories from your home and your life as possible, if only until you learn to let go. You need to be mindful of these thoughts and behaviors and what emotions are triggering them.
If you stayed in contact with his friends and family to keep tabs on him, let it go. Your own friends and family may bring up your ex-boyfriend or your past relationship in conversation. Let them know that you don’t want to talk about him or your past, your only goal is to focus on your future. You’re going to need their support to get through this, so getting them onboard is essential.
You need to end all contact with him while you’re healing. This is hard to do if you’re still living with him, have a sexual relationship with him or just trying to be friends. These are all things that keep you emotionally connected to him. Stop all contact with your ex. No more phone calls, emails, texts, visits, bumping into each other and most of all no sex, no living together and no friendship. Letting go means releasing yourself completely from his hold on you, that’s the only way to end your emotional attachment.
Focus your mind on your new life when your thoughts turn to your ex. Making an affirmation or a positive statement can help, something that reminds you that your life is improving and will be better in the future. But don’t just think it, you need to say it and believe it. Learn new patterns the help you find happiness within yourself. This will go a long way towards healing your emotional pain.
How will you know you’re no longer emotionally attached to your ex-boyfriend? When you’ve freed yourself from his emotional hold, you’ll rarely think about him. You’ll be able to talk about him and to him without feeling any bitterness, jealousy or anger. This is not a quick process, in fact the time it takes to get over you ex varies from person to person. It’s not easy and at times will seem impossible, but in the end it will make you a stronger, happier person.