The Top 10 Reasons Your Relationship Won’t Work

By Shoshana Jackson

Do you see these 10 signs you should dump your boyfriend

Some relationships just don’t work out.

When your relationship appears to have run it’s course or run off course, you need to decide if you want to break up with your boyfriend.

There are usually warning signs that your relationship is troubled. Many women choose to ignore these warnings and see their relationship through rose colored glasses.

However the signs you should dump your boyfriend are there to safe you from the pain of staying in a relationship that will end in heartache.

That’s not to say you have to break up. You can try to save your relationship. However, you need to accept the fact that there may come a time when your relationship will end, whether you like it or not.

Recognizing these signs will allow you to make a decision. You may decide that you want to try to save the relationship. You may decide that you want to break up. Ultimately that decision is yours.

Here are the 10 signs you should dump your boyfriend and move on with your life:

 

1. Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend – He’s Insensitive To Your Feelings

Your relationship should be one of your main sources of support. You should be able to depend on your boyfriend for emotional support when things go wrong in your life.

Ask Yourself:

  • Does he ignore me when I need his emotional support?
  • Does he tune me out when I need to talk about something important to me?
  • Do I need to go to others for comfort when I’m sad or depressed.

Some men try to comfort, in their own way, which may not be what you want. But at least they’re trying. That’s what matters. Ask yourself, is he trying. If he lacks empathy for you and shows no concern for your emotional or mental well-being, it’s usually because he doesn’t care. Do you want to be with someone who doesn’t really care about you.

2. Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend – He’s Always Disappearing

Internet's Top Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz - offers dating and relationship advice to smart, strong, successful women... Click here to find out more!One part of building a healthy relationship is spending time together. Whether it’s seeing each other in person in a traditional relationship or phone time in a long distance relationship, this time spent together is an important part of forming a bond with your partner.

Ask yourself:

  • How often do I wonder where he’s disappeared to?
  • Does he not have time for me while still having time for everything else, like his friends?
  • When I do see him or talk to him, does he make excuses why he can’t talk or spend time with me?
  • When we’re together does it seem like he’d rather not be there?

Certain men will have time constraints, such as men in certain occupations and single fathers. However, any man who wants a relationship with you should let you know when he’ll be incommunicado. If he wants to build a relationship with you, he’ll make spending time with you a priority.

3. Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend – He’s Got Too Many Secrets

A relationship is a coming together of two people. Two individuals who have their own lives, who decide to build a life together. You’d both still have your own friends and activities. The problem comes when those relationships and activities are secrets.

Ask yourself:

  • Is he suddenly start locking his phone and computer?
  • Does he leave the room to answer certain calls or send them to voicemail when I’m around?
  • Does he try to hide who he’s talking to or where he’s been?
  • Does get upset when I ask about his friends or what he’s been up to?

Some men are security conscious. However you’ll know this from the beginning. When this behavior is different from his normal behavior, when he’s probably hiding something. In a healthy relationship you need to trust your partner. If that trust is missing, you will never get the strong bond you want.

4. Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend – He’s Suddenly Become Celibate

Sex is an important part of most relationships. Since every couple is different, how often you have sex will vary. As your relationship matures, you may see a decline in the amount of sex you have. There may be trouble when the sex suddenly stops, for no real reason.

Ask yourself:

  • Is there an emotional reasons or stressful situation that may have caused this change?
  • Is there a physical reason or illness which may have caused this change?
  • Does he seem to not enjoy any physical contact from me?
  • Does it feel more like we’re just friends, not lovers?

There can be a few reasons why a man becomes sexually dysfunctional. If you feel that there may be a reason, talk to your man. It may be something you can work on. If there is no reason, you have to consider that he may not be interested in you, or that he’s found someone else. In the end you need to decide if you want to be in this relationship or if you want to end it.

5. Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend – He Wants Too Much Control

In a healthy relationship, you both need to maintain friendships and activities of your own. When you’re with someone who tries to limit what you can do and who you can be with, he’s controlling your life. The only person who should control your life, is you.

Ask yourself:

  • Does he need to always know where I am and who I’m with?
  • Does he try to limit the people I can spend time with and how long I can be with them?
  • Does he become angry when I don’t do the things he tells me to do?
  • Does he try to control other aspects of my life – such as where I live, where I work, what I wear?

It’s only natural to ask your partner what they’re up to. It’s when someone becomes obsessed with knowing and controlling your actions, that there’s a problem. This type of relationship is abusive and generally it won’t change. Things don’t get better, in most situations the controlling behavior only gets worse.

6. Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend – He’s In Love With the Drama

Dating Without DramaEven in the best relationship, arguments will happen. There will be disagreements and conflict. The secret to a healthy relationship is being able to get through this. Compromise. However there are some men who don’t want to compromise, they just want to irritate the hell out of you, because they love the drama.

Ask yourself:

  • Does he seem to enjoy doing things that get my attention in a negative way?
  • Does he seem more interested in getting a reaction from me, than in getting his point across?
  • Does he end our disagreements by threatening to leave or break up with me?
  • Does he get upset when I don’t give in to him or don’t react to his behavior?

There are some men who are opinionated. There is a great difference between someone who needs to express his opinion and someone who wants to spark an argument. If he is intentionally saying and doing things to upset you, you need to ask yourself, if this is what you want in your life.

7. Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend – You Really Don’t Like Him

Sometimes it’s not him, it’s you. There may come a time in a relationship when you realize this is not the man for you. You may have liked him initially. Maybe you thought that you could make it work. Whatever the reason, you don’t want to be with him, and he doesn’t seem to know.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I try to ignore his phone calls, not respond to his messages and don’t really want to contact him?
  • Do I avoid going out with him or spending time talking to him, telling him I’m busy?
  • Am I looking for someone to date?
  • Am I flirting with other men?
  • Do I find myself wondering why he hasn’t broken up with me yet?
  • Do I have unrealistic expectations?
  • Am I being realistic?
  • Have I really given him and this relationship a chance?

Breaking up isn’t easy. It’s not easy for him or for you. However, not breaking up with someone when you know you don’t want to be with them is cruel. Breaking up will allow him and you to move on and find love with someone who’s right for you. So, although it’s not a pleasant task, it is something you need to do.

8. Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend – You’re Not Happy

Affiliate LinkA relationship is not all rainbows and sunshine. However there should be more joy than sorrow. You shouldn’t feel empty or alone. If you find joy in other aspects of your life, but for some reason your relationship causes you grief than you need to think hard about why?

Ask yourself:

  • Is my sadness caused by depression or other things going on in my life?
  • Am I happy in other aspects of my life – my job, my family, my friends?
  • Does my partner put me down or make me feel that I’m not good enough?
  • Do I feel that this is just not the relationship for me?

There can be many reasons why you’re not happy in a relationship. They can range from you just being in a relationship with the wrong person, to you being in a relationship that’s toxic or abusive. Whatever the reason for you being unhappy, you need to decide if you want to stay. Either way you should get support from a friend, family member or counselor. They can help you work through this unhappiness and get you back in control of your life.

9. Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend – He Doesn’t Want a Commitment

Not every woman wants a long-term relationship. Some want casual dating. However it you want a serious relationship, sooner or later you’re going to want a commitment. You want an exclusive relationship. If he doesn’t want that, then you’re budding relationship is in trouble.

Ask yourself:

  • Have we been dating for more than a few months with no indication of a cAffiliate Linkommitment coming?
  • Does he want to spend more time with me or is our time together lessening over time?
  • Has he told me that he’s not interested in a long-term relationship or commitment?
  • Has he kept our relationship secret from the people in his life – his friends, family – and we’ve been dating for a few months?

There are signs that he does not want to commit to you. Even when his online dating profile says that he wants a long-term relationship, it doesn’t mean that he wants one with you. You need to decide if you’re willing to wait, knowing that at any time he can move on if he finds the woman he would want to commit to.

10. Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend – He’s a Loser and He’s Using You

There are many good men out there, but there are also losers. These are the men you may try to avoid, but somehow they know how to make it past a woman’s defenses. Maybe it’s their looks, their charm. There are many reasons women fall for these guys but in the end they’re still losers.

Ask yourself:

  • Does he constantly need me to do things for him or his friends or his family?
  • Does he only come over for sex or money or to use the things I own – like my car or my house?
  • Does he get irritated or disappear when I’m not able or willing to do the things he wants?

Don’t date a man who wants you to support him. Don’t date a player unless you want to be his booty call. If you want a relationship you need to make sure you’re getting a partner not a dependent. Know what you want and don’t settle for less than that. Remember he can only use you if you allow him to.

Should You Stay Together?

This is not an easy decision. These are signs that you should leave him, but in most of these cases, there is room to save your relationship. The question isn’t if you should dump him. The real question is  are you willing to do the work to save the relationship.

If you’re not willing to work on the relationship, why are you staying together. If he’s not willing to work on your relationship issues, you need to understand you can’t change him.

You can change the way you respond or react to his behavior, but in the end if he doesn’t want to change, he won’t. By knowing the 10 signs you should dump your boyfriend, you’re able to see when certain patterns arise in your  relationship. That way you can see if you’re both willing to work on the relationship or if it’s best for you both to move on.

What reasons have you had for dumping a boyfriend in the past? Share your story.

 

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4 Responses to Learn the 10 Signs You Should Dump Your Boyfriend

  1. coria says:

    I have had to leave boyfriends or dump them for the following reasons:
    Causing me to feel bad about myself, being physically abused. feeling like I want to kill myself. I cut my arms. I cried alot, sometimes. He did not care that I cried or that I hurt myself. He had no conscience.

    I realized I was wasting my time on someone who did not love me. Guy lying to others about me being his girlfriend (after 6 1/2 years). Being thrown in jail by same guy (he lied and told the police that I broke into the house, when he gave me the house key and I had recently moved there-it was his hometown so they believed him). Still talking to his exgirlfriend after We had been together 6 1/2 years. Him trying to make me sit in the dark when he wasnt at home ( I turned the light back on when he left). I was rarely allowed to go with him anywhere. I had to entertain myself, but rarely had company. I gained some weight. It was awful.

    I finally got Smart– I made a plan. I knew when he would leave and how long he would be gone. I did Not tell anyone who he knew, and I do mean anyone- what I was doing.

    I ran away, I moved to another place, I didnt give my address to anyone for fear he would find me. I didnt have a home phone, so he couldnt get the address from that. I had a cell phone and kept the address going to my mom’s so even if he found somehow, all my bills went to her house only. It was a year and a half before he found where I lived. I never told him or anyone, he got the info illegally I believe. by then he had moved on and so had I and he wasnt going to hurt me Also I had roommates, so I wasnt alone. I did it, so I know if you are reading this you can do it, too.

    Stay calm , make a plan, even if it takes a couple weeks, or a month, to see it through. Dont do gabbing with others about your plan. Other people can have a big mouth. You are looking for peace in your life and to get away from the drama fighting and abuse and threats. So keep your plans quiet and to yourself. You can do it! By all means DONT TEXT it on your phone!!! Be smart! dont write it! Keep your plans in your head. Pray about it, and for courage, and then go do it!

    • Coria,

      I’m glad you were able to get out of that situation.

      One important message I hope comes through is that sometimes you just need to leave.

      A man who is abusing you, emotionally, physically or mentally does not deserve a “proper” break up. You don’t need to sit and explain why you’re leaving. You don’t need to leave a note or make a phone call. You need to make a plan, prepare yourself and just leave.

      This is about staying safe. It’s about surviving.

      Coria, you are a survivor and an inspiration to other women. I hope you have been able to get the help you need to heal from the emotional and physical trauma you’ve suffered. There are many groups out there who can help. http://www.thehotline.org/ is a site that provides support and education about the affects and aftereffects of abuse.

      Thank you so much for sharing your story.

      I wish you the best in life and love,

      ~Shoshana

  2. Lolo says:

    Such a good article, no comments, that’s sad.
    Much more easily and quicker to qualify than, kicking your dog or setting your car on fire.
    The one I just dropped like a dirty rag, started insulting me in tiny ways.
    Then started trying to control smaller things in my home, cleaning things, but questioning as to why I put things were I do.
    So many tiny seemingly insignificant clues, but Flags none the less to someone who has her dignity in place. It was more amusing than insulting. I would sometimes even ply him on just to see how far he’d go.
    The only thing I did wrong was let my chemistry dictate my bad choices.
    And even that eventually was replaced with gambling, drinking and just slouching.
    I didn’t like him. I need a cat.

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