Dating Tips For Finding Love

Self-Acceptance – The Ultimate Seduction – The Ultimate Victory

Guest Author — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 14:34:52 +0000

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” – Oscar Wilde

photo credit: ♥serendipity

We are both our greatest friend and worst enemy. We are the creator of most of our joys and the source of most our pains. We are the first to auto-criticize and believe that we are near paragons of virtue. We don’t like to be left in our own company yet secretly believe that we are one of the most interesting person that we know.

In one word, we are walking talking paradoxes. We can’t see the incongruity of our personal beliefs, especially the beliefs that we have about ourselves. We believe that we know who we are yet we are constantly in search of our identity. All that is what makes it so difficult to accept and love ourselves.

Self-acceptance and self-love has been called the ultimate seduction. So called because it is the hardest and most difficult of all seductions. How can a best friend who also happens to be the worst enemy can ever find acceptance and love?

It is not an easy task but not an impossible one either. Many fail at it because they don’t know how and others fail because they don’t even try. Let’s hope that what follows will be a beacon that shows some of the way.

Self-acceptance begins with accepting the fact that we are work in progress. We all made mistakes and have done things that we regret. That’s how we learn and grow. It is human to err and it is divine to forgive, especially when we are the objects of our own forgiveness.

We all have shortcomings. These are not character flaws, they are opportunities to expand and grow. There is nothing perfect in nature. That’s what makes it so beautiful. We are not perfect, that’s what makes us interesting. If we were already all that we could be life would have no meaning and no sense. Where could one go after reaching the ultimate destination?

photo credit: eflon

Frustration has played a major role in our life. In many cases, those frustrations have been seen as evidences of lack of self-worth. In the best-case scenario, that belief is completely false and in its best light it’s counterproductive stinking thinking.

The reason that we suffered from frustration is not due to a lack of self-worth but due to a lack of experience. Frustration is nothing but a call to acquire more knowledge. It’s another reminder that we are still a work in progress.

Another roadblock to self-acceptance is our dependence on social proof. That is, we tend to look to others and their opinion to establish the level of our self-worth. Bad idea. Others don’t base their judgment on who we are but on who they are. We are the mirrors into which they see themselves and accept that reflection as an indication of who we are. Not a very reliable point of reference.

We are work in progress, pure potential on its way to actualization. At any one stage of growth, we are already perfectly imperfect. We must accept that and learn to appreciate it. There is no one exactly like us but each of us is exactly what he should be in the grand scheme of things.

Self-acceptance and self-love depends on accepting the nature of who we are, work in progress. We may not be perfect but we are not expected to be. We are expected to be humans who do the best with what they have. So long as we do that, we deserve, merit and should have total self-acceptance and self-love.

Dr. Raymond Comeau aka Shamou is the Author of ShamouBlog and Owner Administrator of Personal Development for Personal Success Forums.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Raymond_Comeau
http://EzineArticles.com/?Self-Acceptance—The-Ultimate-Seduction—The-Ultimate-Victory&id=3093906

Share and Enjoy:

Do You Get Excited Before Your First Dates?

Shana — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 05:39:20 +0000

In a recent interview with First Date Coach Cathy Bishop we discussed the secrets to always having a great first date. Here’s a short clip from that call.

The one thing that she said was the most important thing to do is to get excited. I don’t know about you but when I first started dating again, getting excited was the last thing I did before a first date. I was nervous. I was worried. I thought about everything that could go wrong. I thought about everything I thought was wrong with me and what I “knew” would be wrong with him. Needless to say with all of those thoughts going through my head it was pretty hard to get excited.

So, how did I get over it. Simple. I started going out more. The more first dates I went on, the easier it was to get excited. I went out with men that I really wanted to get to know better and some that I really didn’t think were my type. But I went out. Sometimes just getting out there and getting your feet wet is all you need to get over the fear and apprehension you may have about dating. The more you date the better you’ll feel about it and you’ll be more relaxed. The more relaxed you are the easier it will be to get excited. Every new date brings with it the opportunity for new adventures and possibilities, if you’re open to them. Be open, be happy and have fun.

So why else do you need to get excited? In my interview with Cathy she talked more about getting excited about your first dates and why it’s important, as well as the 4 more secrets to always having a great date. For a limited time we will be offering the full interview with Cathy as a bonus for signing up for the Dating Tips For Finding Love newsletter. So go sign up for our newsletter and start getting excited about dating.

~Shana

Share and Enjoy:

Separation or Un-Divorce. Does it matter?

Shana — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 18:17:24 +0000

Today I read an article on Huffington Post “Why Couples Are Staying Un-Divorced”. It made me think of my personal dating strategy. I don’t date people who are separated. To me being separated can mean you haven’t made up your mind yet or that you haven’t moved past that relationship. Not that I haven’t dated someone who was in the process of a divorce, but I would personally need to know he is in the process of getting a divorce. I want the people I date to be open to the possibility of marriage to me or some kind of commitment and would not personally be comfortable dating someone who, even if only on paper, is still married to someone else. I want the men I date to be available and as long as he’s married as far as I’m concerned he’s not. But like I said that’s how I feel about it, my opinion.

In the article they cited financial reasons and the economy as having a role in this trend. But to me personally, being tied in marriage to someone you don’t want to be with would be too much of an emotional burden. And it’s too much of an emotional burden for someone to be put in the middle of that situation. If you’re dating a man who’s still married, that you’ve connected to how will you feel if he decides he wants to go back to his wife. Here are some other articles about this trend:

Changing Marriage and Divorce Trends (psychologytoday.com)
Not Divorced, But Not Really Married (outsidethebeltway.com)
Why Divorce? Just Stay Separated (nytimes.com)
Don’t Get a Divorce: Stay Un-Divorced Instead (neatorama.com)
Laura Trice: Fantasia Barrino: 5 Steps How to Date a Married Man (huffingtonpost.com)
Choosing Limbo: What Do You Think of Undivorcing? (blogher.com)

What are your thoughts on undivorce and the idea of remaining married yet separated indefinitely? Would you separate from someone but stay married? In what situations would that be OK? How do you feel about dating someone in that situation? I’d love to hear from you, leave a comment.

Photo credit: billjacobus1

Share and Enjoy:

How Do You Know When You Are Ready For a Relationship? 5 Signs You Should Wait

Shana — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 12:57:21 +0000

“Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.”
-Richard Bach

How do you know if you’re ready for a relationship? Being ready to date is not the same things as being ready for a serious relationship. But since dating can lead to finding someone special you need to think about how ready you are for that commitment.

Here are 5 signs that show you may need to wait before you begin a new relationship:

Click here to go to Ezinearticles.com and view the complete article.

Share and Enjoy:

Becoming Your Best Self – How to Become More Lovable

Guest Author — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 10:41:13 +0000

By Louise Kaelin

For most of us, when we think of finding love, we think of finding a person who will love us, and then we plan to love them back. Unfortunately, in real life it seldom works that way. This is partly because neither party is willing to risk rejection, so no one is willing to be the first to send out love.

credit: seyed mostafa zamani

There is a way around this, however. The best way to attract love into your life is for you to become more lovable! This advice works well whether you are looking to improve an existing relationship, including with family members, or seeking to become involved in a loving, committed relationship.

Here are ideas for you to become more lovable.

Love others.This may seem obvious, but most people are afraid to love others. However, following the law of attraction, the more we love others, the more attractive and lovable we become. There are, of course, degrees of love, but being open and receptive to people in general will create a welcoming and lovable aura.
Stay in Balance.When it comes to needs, it is critical to put yours on the same footing as the other person. Their needs are equal to yours: not more important or less important. Neither of those models work, but when you put your needs on the same level, you both have a chance to be happy And when you are happy, you are much more lovable!.
Open yourself to empathy.When you feel sympathy for others you feel sorry for them. When you feel empathy with others, you literally share their pain. Of course, the trick here is not to free them by taking on all their pain, but by total understanding and acceptance, you let them know they are not alone. Again, we all find such people very attractive and easy to love.
Be true to your best self. Perhaps the most attractive quality in all people is the ability to be “in” integrity. When your actions match your words which match our beliefs, we exude confidence and approachability to all.
Start with respect.Respect the right of all people to have their own beliefs and make their own choices, even if they are not your beliefs or your choices. That acceptance of others always makes a person more lovable.
“Do not judge others lest ye be judged.”Making other people feel judged does not endear us to them. In fact, people try to avoid you because you upset their equilibrium and positive feeling about themselves. Be free of judgment if you want to be lovable!

And if you’re interested in more tips for Becoming Your Best Self, I invite you to claim your free instant access to the ebook “Blueprint for Success”, chock full of ideas and strategies to reclaim your energy and get the results you want by visiting http://www.touchpointcoaching.com/bfs.htm.

From Louise Morganti Kaelin – Working Towards Wholeness Wizard: Becoming Your Best Self

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Louise_Kaelin
http://EzineArticles.com/?Becoming-Your-Best-Self—How-to-Become-More-Lovable&id=3381946

Share and Enjoy:

Self Awareness Is The Key To All Successful Relationships!

Guest Author — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 20:40:42 +0000

By Denise Dema

Who am I? To answer this, we must first learn to become more aware of ourselves. To be aware, we need to step outside ourselves and objectively watch ourselves in action. We live most of our lives by habit. These habits keep us stuck in self-limiting patterns. Once we identify these unconscious patterns, we then have the choice to change them.

photo credit: samcaplat

To start building the awareness habit, stop and pay attention to your actions. Set an intention to become aware of how you automatically “react” to the events in your life.

How do you react to traffic, colleagues at work, family situations, your partner or children? How do you react to anger or fear in someone else? Become a witness to your own life. Pay attention to how you react to things and how it affects all of your relationships. Become aware of how your thinking creates your reality. Learn to experience the emotions that are underlying each of your reactions. These are the beginning stages of listening to your internal dialogue. Awareness reveals to us a whole new fascinating world.

Personal growth, to a large extent, depends on self awareness. You can only change what you recognize. Self awareness is not a simple process. It requires that we consistently step outside our “automatic” or “pre-programmed” selves and take a good look at ourselves objectively. The following qualities of character need to be present and developed in order to enhance our ability to become more self aware;

Honesty takes emotional awareness, self confidence and a great deal of courage. Until a person is willing to accept the truth about themselves, they will not have a clear path to change. If we are more emotionally honest with ourselves, we will get to know our “true selves” on a deeper level. This will help us become more accepting of ourselves and eventually, of others. It will also help us to make better choices about how to spend our time and with whom to spend it with. When we are honest with others as well, it encourages them to be more honest with us. We are then more likely not to be asked or pressured to do things which we do not want to do. We will also find out quickly who respects our feelings and who does not. Being honest with your feelings, facing issues as they arise, and accepting responsibility for your actions without blaming others is what living an honorable life entails. You cannot grow as a person until you become honest with yourself and others.

Observation and awareness of oneself means that we need to understand how the world “is” around us. If we are capable of seeing the factors that influence other people’s behavior, we are much more likely to see it in ourselves as well. We can make better decisions when we are fully aware of what is driving other people’s intentions. It is not just what we see, but how we interpret everything around us and our perception of others creates the circumstances in our daily life.

Gratitude for what you have is beneficial to your emotional well being. Having an attitude of gratitude each day for your blessings puts your mind in a positive state, without relying on others for your happiness. Being able to express gratitude for any situation projects a magnetic force that draws to you more of what you are expressing gratitude for. People who experience gratitude tend to be happier, more helpful and forgiving, and are aware that they automatically activate the “Law of Attraction“. When gratitude becomes part of your identity, you ultimately attract circumstances that resonate with who you are.

Humility is all about maintaining our pride about who we are, about our achievements, about our worth, but without arrogance. Something interesting happens when we approach situations from a perspective of humility-it opens us up to possibilities. As we choose open mindedness and curiosity over protecting our point of view, we spend more time in that wonderful place of the child’s mind, willing to learn from others. We move away from pushing into allowing, from insecure to secure, from seeking approval to seeking enlightenment. We forget about being right and enjoy being in the moment. There are many benefits to practicing humility, to being in a state of non-pretense; it improves relationships across all levels, it reduces anxiety, it encourages openness and it enhances one’s self confidence. It opens the window to the higher self.

Flexibility is the ability to adapt your lifestyle to be in harmony with your expectations. Flexible thinking moves thought patterns out of their neural ruts. When you are truly flexible, you can accept any event or surprise that life gives you. Flexibility allows people to adapt, shift and move easily.

Insight is the power of seeing a situation beyond the surface. It assists us in overcoming the limitations placed upon us by living our lives “reactively”, as opposed to responsively. It gives us the ability to discover why, how and where problems exist and what is needed to correct them. Insight teaches us to become aware of self-destructive belief systems and shows us how to diffuse them. We can then start taking control of our life by becoming the cause of all we experience and not the victim. Having the insight to be proactive, not reactive allows us to pursue the life we desire.

Ambition is striving for something higher than one’s self and it is the motivating force of change. Not everyone has the same level of expectations for themselves. Some people thrive on becoming the next CEO, while others would rather be surfing at the beach. Even if someone had all the other factors of self-awareness, without the ambition to change, self-awareness is not easily accomplished. Imagine ambition as the master. The other principles of self awareness rely on ambition to feed them. Without ambition, there is no motivating force to observe or change one’s behavior.

These are not the only factors that govern self-awareness. Certainly communication skills also play a big role. Having mentors in your life is also important in the journey of personal growth. Having a coach helps you gain the ability to see yourself as you really are in order to work on change and attainment of a better life.

“What is necessary to change is to change his awareness of himself.” Abraham H. Maslow

Denise Dema is a Business and Life Management Coach who has over 20 years experience empowering individuals, entrepreneurs and business owners to attain self-defined success in their professional & personal lives. To learn more about the author and her practice please visit http://www.denisedema.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Denise_Dema

http://EzineArticles.com/?Self-Awareness-Is-The-Key-To-All-Successful-Relationships!&id=1078579

Share and Enjoy:

Stop Over Analyzing Things

Guest Author — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 18:40:16 +0000

By Elliot Zovighian

Sometimes we often contemplate life from every angle. We weigh the pros and cons of every endeavor, every relationship to ensure we don’t take one false step. Unfortunately most of the time they do not protect us from mistakes, nor do they protect us from the very things we are looking to avoid.

Over analyzing life is the major cause of procrastination, and insidious thought. The more you think, the more you conjure up thoughts of how the world is out to get you or that you aren’t capable of attaining whatever goals you desire. We sabotage ourselves. Others don’t sabotage us unless we let them. But more often we do it to ourselves. Over and over until it becomes apart of our psyche and we have to self reprogram our minds into a healthy disposition.

We must rid our thoughts of self defeating feelings and self loathing. Whether you feel you’re not good enough to date a particular person, or that you’re unqualified for a particular job, you are entitled to anything you want just as anyone else is. No one can make you believe it but you. Just as one obsesses about how they aren’t capable, one can choose to think that they are. It’s the choices they make that determine the happiness of their life. Not circumstances.

Choice is the key word in all of this. It’s what one chooses to think about. For many they consume their minds with needless, irrelevant processes that sap their energy or forms negative energy that they in turn… attract. We are what we attract and attracting these negative forces in our life is our own doing. We have the power to change it. But often many people over analyze themselves into negative dispositions that consume their thoughts, until they manifest it themselves in life.

Life is meant to be lived. The greatest people the world has ever known became great by making things happen and not merely thinking about them and every pitfall that may arrive along the way. You owe it to yourself to be the best person you can be and that starts in your head. It’s unnatural to be positive every second of the day, but we can choose how we digest and manifest information. How we cope with the information we’re given is a reflection of how we think about ourselves. Many things you will analyze will never materialize, because they are figments of your imagination.

You cannot assume what people are thinking. You cannot assume what people will do. You cannot assume that someone is thinking of you when you are, or in the way you are. It’s a ridiculous process that only feeds fear and uncertainty. Focus on you, and what you’re doing, and don’t make judgments on the hypothetical.

Over analyzing can cripple you to non action. Free your mind of these negative thoughts and bathe in the glorious ether of self awareness and confidence. The more you do the more you’ll be focused on things that will make you happy, and less on those negatives you attract.

Elliot Zovighian is the owner of EZLifestyles and is a personal coach, writer, speaker and father from Toronto Canada who is committed to helping those live easier, happier lives.

Elliot Zovighian is a life coach, speaker, author, blogger is the owner of EZ Lifestyles, a life coaching company from Toronto, Canada. His daily blog offers articles and advice on such subjects as life skills, work and career, relationships, parenting, featured videos and more. www.ezlifestyles.ca

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Elliot_Zovighian

Share and Enjoy:

To Find Mr Right You Need to Stop Looking for Mr Perfect

Shana — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 17:40:15 +0000

If you’re like most single women you’re on a quest to find Mr. Right. That seemingly elusive man who’s perfect for you. One obstacle to finding Mr. Right is the idea of Mr. Perfect.

So who is Mr. Perfect? He’s the image of the perfect man for you that you carry in your mind. Perfect height, perfect looks, the right income, career and personality. Everything that you want a man to be. But the problem with Mr. Perfect is that in the real world he probably doesn’t exist. No one’s perfect, some people can pretend to be, but in the long run we find that everybody has their faults. So in order to find your Mr. Right you need to get rid of the idea of Mr.Perfect and focus on the qualities and traits that are really important to you. When you do that you may find that Mr. Right is already in your life.

One way to get rid of Mr. Perfect is to narrow down your deal-breaker list to the things that are really important to you. If you met your Mr. Right and he was 2 inches shorter than you, 20 pounds too heavy, had a very time consuming career or was balding, would you not date him because of these characteristics. If you’re willing to make an exception on a quality or characteristic than it’s not a deal-breaker it’s an option. If you meet a man that has some of the qualities on your deal-maker list – successful, family oriented, likes to travel but he works long hours and is divorced would you give up on him before you get to know him. Hopefully not.

Mr. Perfect will constantly nudge his way into your mind when you’re looking for Mr. Right. But a search for perfection is not only keeping many women single, but allowing some great men to slip through their fingers to fall into the lap of a woman who knows what she wants. Mr. Right can be the man you’ve dated but didn’t think of having a permanent relationship with because you were looking for something better. The man your friends keep trying to set you up with. Your neighbor. Your best friend. Your co-worker. Any of them could be Mr. Right, but first you need to stop comparing them to Mr. Perfect.

As long as Mr. Perfect is in your life you’ll have a hard time finding Mr. Right. So, if you want to find Mr. Right first figure out what’s really important to you. Keep the list small. Then start looking around at the men you already know. How many of them would be perfect for you. You never know, Mr. Right may already be in your life, waiting for you to find him.

For more on How To Find Your Mr. Right check out my articles on AssociatedContent.com.

Share and Enjoy:

Creating Magnetic Attraction

Shana — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 17:21:16 +0000

What is the secret to magnetic attraction? How do you build strength, self-confidence and relationship stamina? How does attraction really work for men? These are just a few of the questions that will be explored on Feb. 24 at 7:30 PM (ET) on a free UPGRADE Your Love Life teleseminar by Relationship Coach Cathy Bishop.

As a single woman learning about magnetic attraction can sometimes make the difference between Dream Dates and Dating Disasters. Men and women approach dating and relationships differently and knowing how to recognize these differences and understand how the men you date think you can UPGRADE Your Love Life.

You won’t find me promoting many teleseminars on my blog, but this one is different. I not only had the privilege of being a student at Coach Training Academy at the same time as Cathy, but I have also been lucky enough to have used her as my dating coach. So, I’m really looking forward to this call.

Note: I am NOT receiving any compensation for promoting this program. As I said this is someone that I have personally received coaching from and I believe in the quality of the work she does.

Share and Enjoy:

Valentine’s Day Resolutions

Shana — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 17:31:23 +0000

We all know what New Year’s resolutions are. The commitment you make every year to change, to do things differently, to make positive habit and lifestyle changes. I’m a believer in making resolutions especially when you set them as goals not just wishes. Wishful thinking won’t get you anywhere, but goal setting can take you anywhere you want to go.

Image via Wikipedia

That’s why I decided to make a Valentine’s Day resolution. I know where I want to be, relationship-wise, next year and I know what changes I need to make in order to get there. After a two month dating detox, I figure now is the time to get back in the game and what better day to start than Valentine’s Day.

So, I guess you’re wondering what kinds of things can you put on your Valentine’s Day Resolution list. Well here are a few, some of these are mine, and some are ideas I got from friends of mine who I brought onto the Valentine’s Day Resolution bandwagon.

1. Update my online dating site profiles. New photo. New Profile. Answer Questionnaire. Respond to more messages. Send more messages.

2. Go somewhere new for lunch each week to meet different people.

3. Ask my friends and family to set me up on a date with someone I might be interested in.

4. Go out on a date with at least one new man each week whether he’s my type or not just to get more comfortable dating.

5. Practice flirting whenever possible and appropriate.

6. Rewrite my deal-maker/deal-breaker list. Make sure the list is based on what I want not what others think I should want.

7. Get out more. Go out at least twice a month to an event where there will be other singles.

8. Get involved in an activity that I enjoy, not to meet men, but to have fun.

9. Volunteer more.

10. Don’t be so hard on myself. Realize that love will find me when I’m actively looking for it. And, since I can’t hurry love, I might as well have fun while I’m waiting.

So, for all of you ladies out there, I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I’d love to hear your Valentine’s Day Resolutions, leave a comment below and share the changes you will make this year.

Share and Enjoy: